A WHIFF O’ T’PAST by Mike Park (NR)

 

Ah’ve nivver bin inside yan, bud Ah keeap hearin’ aboot thease here new-fangled  coffee hooses where thoo can buy jist aboot ivvery type o’ coffee goin’.

An’ maist on ‘em seeame ti hev furrin’ neames, fer sum reason. Fer instance, Ah’ve heeard of a netty, bud what’s a ‘latty’ when it’s at yam?

Mind, like a lot o’ things, bein’ offered a choice o’ different types o’ coffee is nowt new. Back in ma younger days, ivvery toon hed big neames lahk Kardomah an’ Lyons wheer thoo cud sample dozens o’ varicose brands o’ coffee, or even buy t’beans an’ tek ‘em yam ti brew thi own.

Theer were a shop called Roontrees i’ Scarborough, an’ it hed a girt coffee grinder i’ t’winder, an’ all day lang, t’smell o’ t’coffee used ti waft oot inti t’street. It fair med thi mooth watther as thoo walked by!

Bud then sartin smells allus were gooid at bringin’ back mem’ries. Nooadays, fer sum reason, t’seaside wheer Ah live disn’t seem ti smell ‘seasidey’ onny mooar, lahk it did when Ah were a lad. Yance ower, thoo used ti be able ti get a grand lungful o’ what they called t’smell o’ t’ozone, an’ thoo allus knew when thoo was gettin’ near t’sea wi’oot even seein’ t’waves. Nooadays, ivverywheer seems ti smell o’ nowt bud hamburgers, pizza, an’ fried chicken!

Yan ither smell ‘at nivver fails ti set mi mooth wattherin’ is fryin’ bacon. Ah can hardly wait fer it ti get broon an’ crispy i’ t’pan, stick it atween twa slices o’ bread, an’ sink me teeth intiv it.

Theer’s on’y yan trubble wi’ bacon, an’ wi coffee an’ all fer that matter, an’ it’s a bit ov a disappointment…

They nivver ivver taste quite as gooid as they smell, do they?

 

 

BATH NEET  by Christine Thistlethwaite (WR)

 

Ah wor skennin’ in a plumber’s winder

As Ah traipsed along on t’street

When me een wor caught wi’ a breet display

O’ t’latest bathroom suite.

T’colour wor sooart o’ pinky puce,

T’taps wor gowd an’ t’bath wor rahnd  -

By ‘eck it wor a stunner! It cost a thahsand pahnd!

 

Wesh basin wor shaped like a scallop shell

Deep enuf ter sink a fleet in,

Ther wor t’toilet, an’ summat Ah cudn’t mek out  -

Ah think it were ter wesh yer feet in!

Ah thowt ‘ow this luxury aw’ could be mine

If nobbut Ah ‘ad the dough,

An’ Ah smiled as Ah thowt o’ t’contrast

Wi’ bathneets o’ long ago.

 

Frida’ neets, Mam’d mek t’fire up

Wi’ plenty o’ wood an’ coil,

Fill up t’big pans wi’ watter

An’ set ‘em on ter boil.

Then, out o’ t’wesh-house she’d fetch t’tin bath

An’ set it on t’owd pegged rug,

Then each on us bairns’d be lathered in turn,

In t’kitchen ser warm an’ snug.

 

Cleean ‘jamas wor waitin’ on t’oven dooar,

As we splashed an’ laiked in t’tub,

‘Til Mam’d say, “Let’s be ‘avin’ yer!

It’s tahm fer a rub-a-dub-dub!”

Then, cocoa an’ parkin curled up bi t’fire,

In a sleepy, shinin’ glow.

Aye! Ah’d swap aw them fancy bathroom suites

Fer a bathneet o’ long ago!